It’s been just about eight months since I left Los Angeles and moved back in with my parents. I’ve said it before, but I really never thought I would be back here, ten years after having left. I felt a lot of things at first- sadness, anger, fear, at times even hopeless. I’ve come to realize a few things through it all, though, and thought I’d put a list of things I’ve learned together in case anyone here ever finds themselves in a similar situation. Hopefully it will help.
5 Things To Remember During a Breakup
1. It’s not the end, it just feels like it. Going through a breakup, especially after a really long relationship, and one where you just stop communicating, feels like the other person has died. You grieve. It’s painful. Some days you don’t even get out of bed. People keep promising you that things will get better, but you won’t believe them. So just cry. Scream into your pillow. Just know, though, that those people are right, and that you will get through it.
2. Have at least one trusted friend that you can call and confide in day or night. Someone who you know won’t judge what you say or do. You will have an off day or ten, and not everyone will understand that. People who have been there before know how dark and down things can get, and their understanding will mean the world to you. Just make sure that you let them know how much you appreciate them (because you will be sobbing into the phone like a crazy person).
3. Remember that your relationship ended for a reason. If not, you’d still be together. Am I right?
4. Put down the phone. and stop typing that text or email. You will regret it, seriously. If someone wants to talk to you, they will reach out to you.
5. You may be heartbroken, but you’re not broken. Take your heartbreak and channel it into becoming an even better version of you. Go places that you’ve been putting off going to, and doing the things that you’ve been putting off doing. Pick up the things that you stopped doing, that you used to love– the stuff that made you, you. Because you’re awesome.
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There’s more to this list I’m sure, but those have been the major things for me. Especially number five. Growing as a person is hard, yo. But I’m finding that it’s true that what doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger. If you’re reading this and going through a breakup, just know that you’re not alone. I’m guessing that every person on the planet has gone through heartbreak in some form or another, and known love in some form or another. I know that might not mean a lot right now, but some day it will make more sense.
In the meantime, remember that every day you’re getting stronger. And never be afraid to ask for help. Sometimes from friends, sometimes from someone like a therapist or counselor who’s trained in these things, and sometimes even through reading books like these (they made me laugh and feel better). Maybe you even need all three. It’s all gravy, baby. You’re going to get through this, and you’re going to not only be fine, but you’ll be better for and because of it. Promise.
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What’s helped you get through a difficult breakup? What advice would you give?
